The Last Two Days of May

 May 30th:

    Verb Tense 

If people have read much of my stuff or follow me on FaceBook, they know I take lots of pictures of dead things, mostly dead animals.  It's not that I like that they are dead, but, since they are, I take the opportunity to enjoy them.  I take their pictures and admire them.  I've helped Bucky harvest parts, poked and prodded to learn about them, and made them a Bingo square on more than one occasion.

Dead.  Dead is fine.  Dying is another story.  Just a different tense, but so different in meaning.  I was driving on a road I don't usually go on.  Whoa!  A dead coyote!  I pulled over to get a pic.  I was down the road a few hundred feet so that I had a good place to pull off.  I got my camera out, but as I was walking up to it, I saw its side rise and fall.  Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  It was alive.  I walked closer, but it was still flat, breathing hard.  I switched from camera to phone. I tried to call the Lewiston police, but of course just got a message instructing me to call 911 if this was an emergency and to call XXX-XXXX if I needed to speak with someone.  Ugh!!! So frustrating.  There was no way I could remember that number.

An SUV pulled up to me.  "Are you OK?"  Yes, but a coyote was hit by a car and it's still alive.  She asked me if I wanted her to call the Sabattus police.  Are we in Sabattus?  Yes.  Oh, yes, please!!!  She pulled ahead to get off the road.  I looked back to see the coyote raise its head to look back across its body.  My heart was breaking.  If I had a gun, I would have helped it along.  I had thought about the shovel in my car, but did not want to risk hurting us both even more.

I walked to the SUV.  She said the dispatcher wanted to talk to me.  Had I hit the coyote?  No.  Would I wait there?  Yes.  They took my name and number.  They said it would be about seven minutes.

The woman in the SUV asked again if I was OK.  I assured her I was and that she should go.  She wanted to be sure I really wanted her to leave, but she had small kids in the back.  Yes, I'm good.  Thank you so much!

I headed back towards the coyote, but not wanting to get too close.  I didn't want to add to its stress.  It raised its head and looked back on its body again.  I tried to call Mindy.  No answer.  Bucky.  Right to voicemail.  I knew Rick was mowing the lawn.  I called Sam.  Keep me company while I wait for the police to put a coyote out of its misery?  Of course.  Then I noticed its side was no longer heaving.  I walked closer.  There was no motion.  A real sadness displaced my urgent mission.  Sam, I don't need you to keep me company any more; it's dead.  The stress of its pain was no longer on me.

I also wanted to call Sabattus back to let them no it had died. This is Valerie Abradi, I'd called about the coyote.  It's dead.  They asked me how I knew.  Um, it's not breathing any more.  It peed itself.  It's eyes are dead.  Ok, you don't have to wait.  I asked if they were still coming.  Yes.  I took pictures.  The ticks all over it just added another level of insult.

My sadness lingered.  I hadn't helped. I didn't ease its pain.  Being there could have been a comfort to a human or a pet, but not to a wild animal.  It was a few hours later, still feeling remorse, I wondered why they had told me to wait when the coyote was alive, but then I should leave once it was dead.  I drove over to find the coyote still there.  That's why I could go; they weren't coming.  I felt betrayed.

It wasn't until the next day I was able to feel ok about them leaving the coyote there.  Maybe they eventually got around to it, but better for the vultures, crows, and other scavengers to have a meal than for the body to go to waste.  Dead and dying are very different. And who the hell hit this creature and did not stop to check to see if it was dead?!

May 31st:

Mind Games Forever

Wednesday means hill repeats at Lost Valley.  I've been doing an hour and 45 minutes up and down the same slope we did the hill challenge on at TWMiH.  I've consistently gotten 17 reps so far this season.  This was the first hot one.  It was already 80 by the time I started at 10:30am.

It took me a while before I stopped thinking every sweat drip down my leg was a tick; there have been so many ticks this year.  But stopping to check was not helping my hills.  They are not ticks, they are not ticks... 

There was a decent wind right at the base of the hill, but the trees along side of the slope blocked it all as soon as I started to climb which meant the black files were out in force.  It's sad when you're almost happy to get one in your eye - one less black fly in the world!  The ones stuck to my face started to annoy me since I could see them in the periphery.  Some even seemed to be swimming in the sweat.  OK, that thought made me laugh...a little.

I started having little negotiations with my body parts.  Arms, you are responsible for the ups.  Pole well.  The legs will handle the downs.  My arms complained that it was running; they should not be involved.  But they did not sway us.

About an hour in, my left knee began to complain about a sharp stabbing pain.  HtFU!!  Wait a minute there!  Entire left leg is always complaining and you don't do anything. Just once and I get harden the fuck up?  Sigh.  You are the good leg.  Without you, I don't have a leg to stand on.  My head was very happy with itself.

Did I mention that Lost Valley had two very large sprinklers watering the lawn in front of the lodge?  That really is right next to where I was running.  I told myself and the guy who set up the sprinkler that I was running through that when I was done.  Once or twice I tried to convince myself to do it between reps, but, my real brain ruled; we said that was the reward for finishing, besides, you don't need to be any wetter than you are from sweat.  Your shoes would just be heavier and we don't need the legs complaining any more than they are.

Well, with about 6 laps to go, I noticed they'd turned off the sprinklers.  Sigh.  Well, the reward is doing it.  HtFU all of you.  I looked at my watch.  Was I going to get 17 laps done in the hour fortyfive?  That's ok, you're doing it by time, not distance.  I mulled that as I went up again.  Hmm, Run Rabbit will not be shorter if the weather sucks.  Ok, 17 laps minimum even if it's past the time.

Lap 15, did the black flies leave?  Hallelujah! Little mini celebration mostly by my face and eyes.  And look at the time!  I think we're going to get the laps done is time!!  Even it the heat, the parts kept it together.  Well done body!  Back at my car, I may not have had a sprinkler run, but the iced lime seltzer seemed pretty much a reward.